bonkers week on the bus
**A Bonkers Week on the Buses**
It’s been a properly bonkers week on the buses. Tuesday was supposed to be my gym day for some circuit training. I made it to Penrhyndeudraeth, but got stuck in a traffic jam. After a while, I realised I wasn’t going to make it on time, so I texted the guy who runs the session to let him know.
We eventually got to Porthmadog—an hour or so later than usual—thanks to roadworks. They were replacing pylons with underground cables. Frankly, it seemed like a massive waste of money—probably running into the millions. People are used to the pylons by now.
I did a bit of shopping before heading back to catch the bus home. That’s when someone I knew told me there’d been a crash in town and no traffic was getting through. It felt surreal, really—first being stuck trying to get *into* town, and now stuck trying to get *out*. I went for a bit of a wander to see what was going on. I have to admit, I like seeing what smashed up the poor car—stupid thing looked like it tried to spy on another and lost.
The delay lasted about three hours. A bus eventually came to take us home, but it had to pick us up on the opposite side of the street, so it had to loop around the block. Then, when we finally got back to the village, we were delayed *again* for another hour. It ended up taking nearly six hours to complete what should have been a 20-mile round trip.
Despite the chaos, I went back to town the next day, even though I was half expecting more delays. It turned out fine. But today—well, yet another incident. There was a fire in the next town, and the bus was delayed again. On top of that, the same spot where the Tuesday roadworks were caused more holdups.
I decided to go in Porthmadog again today and the bus was late again a friend told me the bus had been dleayex due to a fire ina hotle in blaenau ffestiniog, the bus could not get through teh smoke. When I got on the busw I could smell the smoke from the fire. The delays were also ther in teh rroad works there and back, it never rains but ti pours
Like I said… bonkers week.
Sketch form
Sketch: “Bonkers Week on the Buses”
[Scene: Lights up on a narrator standing beside a bench labeled “Bus Stop – Penrhyndeudraeth.” Occasional honks and distant sirens underscore the chaos.]
Narrator (deadpan): Tuesday. Gym day. Full of hope, protein shakes, and good intentions. I make it to Penrhyn... then the universe slams the brakes. [beat] Traffic jam. Stuck so long I start to wonder if I’ve accidentally joined a parade.
[Enter “Text Message Guy,” miming checking a phone, sighing exaggeratedly.]
Narrator: I text the gym guy: “Won’t make it.” He replies, “Fair.” We both grieve my fitness dreams in silence.
[Lights flicker. Change scene to “Porthmadog – ONE HOUR LATER”]
Narrator: Arrive an hour late. Why? Because someone decided pylons weren’t modern enough. Let’s bury the cables! For millions! Because—clearly—we missed digging up roads!
[“Council Worker” mimes digging cheerily while cash notes fly around them.]
Narrator (muttering): People like the pylons by now…
[Scene shifts: “Outside Supermarket.” Narrator carries a bag.]
Narrator: Did a bit of shopping, tried to salvage the day. Then—plot twist—a mate says, Mate (entering dramatically): “There’s been a crash. Nothing’s getting through town.” Narrator: Brilliant. Stuck again. So what do I do?
[Narrator shrugs and strolls.]
Narrator: Went for a nosy. Found a very smashed-up car. Looked like it tried to spy on another and failed the stealth mission.
[Dramatic sound effect: crunch!]
Narrator: Delay: three hours. Eventually, a bus arrives… on the wrong side of the street. Bus does a lap of honour. We board. Victory? Not quite.
[Flash: “Back in the Village” sign.]
Narrator: Another delay—because why not. It’s taken me nearly six hours to do a 20-mile round trip.
[The lights dim. The next day rolls in.]
Narrator: Next day—back in town. Bit nervous. But all’s calm. Until...
[Sirens in the distance.]
Narrator (grimacing): Today? Fire in the next town. Roadworks still fuming. And me? Just trying to get home before next Tuesday.
[Lights fade on narrator sitting patiently at the bus stop.]
Narrator (sighing): Bonkers week on the buses.
Would you like a version formatted for stage, radio, or even audio sketch recording? This could be gold with the right voice work and effects!
Brilliant idea, David—this sketch has radio gold written all over it. Since I can’t record audio directly, I’ve formatted the script specifically for an audio sketch recording. It includes voice cues, ambient sound suggestions, and pacing hints to help it come alive in sound.
🎧 Audio Sketch: “Bonkers Week on the Buses” Format: Monologue-style with light ambient effects and character interjections.
SFX: Faint engine noise, occasional car horns, birdsong.
Narrator (voice relaxed, observational): Tuesday. Gym day. Penrhyndeudraeth looked promising. Sky was clear. Hope was alive. Muscles... almost willing.
SFX: Sudden car horn. Traffic grumble begins, slow build.
Narrator: Then? Gridlock. Proper “you live here now” traffic. I sat there so long, I finished a podcast, scrolled social media, and even considered learning origami from the bus timetable.
SFX: Phone ding.
Narrator (mock solemn): Texted the gym guy: "Not gonna make it." He replied with a single emoji—💪—broken in spirit.
SFX: Transition chime. Traffic fades.
Narrator: Eventually got to Porthmadog. Hour late. Because some genius said, “Y’know what this town needs? A pylon purge.” Millions spent digging up roads to bury perfectly fine cables.
SFX: Spade in gravel. Cash register ka-ching! multiple times.
Narrator (muttering): That’s modern progress: inconvenience with a price tag.
SFX: Shop ambience. Trolley wheels.
Narrator: Grabbed a few bits at the shop. Went to the bus stop. Ready to head home. Then my mate arrives…
Friend (panicked, breathless): “There’s been a crash. Town’s sealed off. No buses.”
Narrator: Brilliant. First stuck getting in. Now stuck getting out.
SFX: Footsteps crunching. Distant crowd murmur.
Narrator (excited curiosity): Naturally, I went for a nosy. Saw the car. Mangled mess. Looked like it tried to sneak past another and got told: "Not today, pal."
SFX: Dull thud, metal creak.
Narrator: Three hours. That’s how long I waited. Eventually, a bus pulled up… but on the wrong side of the road! So it looped around the block like it was showing off.
SFX: Bus revving, distant reversing beep.
Narrator: Finally got back to the village… Only to hit another delay. By now I’m thinking: should’ve just walked the 20 miles. Would’ve been faster. Might’ve found enlightenment on the way.
SFX: Footsteps, owl hoot.
Narrator: Next day? Took the risk. Returned to town. Surprisingly smooth.
SFX: Peaceful music, then a faint fire siren rising.
Narrator (deadpan): Then today… fire in the next town. Buses? Delayed. Again. And those cable works? Still there. Still ruining lives.
Narrator (sighs): I only wanted some circuit training… Instead, I got a tour of North Wales’ least efficient traffic systems. Bonkers week on the buses.
SFX: Bus door hissing open.
Narrator: And now? I’m not even waiting for the bus. I’m waiting for the sequel.
Outro Music: Light acoustic strum, fade out.
Comments
Post a Comment